Insatiable Thirst
by iambabyy
Summary: Conor is a heroin addict who, trying to change his life, moves to Forks to live with his best friend Ben. On a journey of self-discovery, he meets a woman with a secret that might take his life, but he can't help falling for her. My 1st Fic Please Review!
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first submission, so please let me know if you enjoy the story and where it's going. I greatly appreciate any comments or suggestions you may have. Thanks and enjoy!**

_Chapter 1_

The flight, although long, was not entirely uncomfortable. They were playing some romantic comedy, but I paid no attention to it. Thankfully, the plane wasn't fully booked and I had an entire row to myself. I sat there with my eyes closed, listening to the pilot make his announcement that we were about to land. Standing up, I made my way to the rear bathroom before we started to make our descent. As I walked down the aisle, I watched all the people, sitting in their seats, some alone, some with loved ones, completely oblivious to the ghost of a man I had become.

Opposite of the bathroom door, was a beverage cart unattended, and I helped myself to a couple bottles of vodka. I closed the door behind me and peered into the mirror, staring at myself. It's amazing what time can do to people. My dark brown eyes looked back at me. The bags under them were evidence that I hadn't slept in quite some time. I looked like a wreck. I splashed water on my face in a futile attempt to wake myself up. The whole reason I'd left my hometown in Florida was to make a drastic change in my life, but as I reached down into my pocket and felt the little bag of brown powder, I realized that old habits die hard. I'd fixed before the flight so instead I grabbed the two small airplane bottles of vodka and finished them off in two gulps. My throat burned as the clear liquid slid down it. Faintly in the background I could hear the pilot saying something over the intercom again so I exited the bathroom and made my way back to my seat.

Walking out of the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport , I savored the cool and organic air of the pacific northwest. So accustomed was I to the heat and humidity of the Sunshine state, that when a breeze softly blew around me, it drew out goosebumps on my arms.

I reached into my pocket and fished out a pack of cigarettes, removing one and lighting it. I pulled the smoke deep into my lungs and then exhaled, watching my breath coalesce with the smoke. Looking around, I took in the scenery that surrounded me and would now be my home. Just as my mind was beginning to drift off, I heard the sound of an engine revving and then tires squealing, as an electric blue Subaru Impreza WRX skidded to a halt in front of me. A smile played across my face.

As the driver's side door opened, I watched as Ben Riley stood up and stretched out his arms and legs. He had been one of my best friends growing up and had moved away from Florida only five years ago. When I had told him on the phone a couple of months earlier that I was moving out his way, he responded, without any change in his voice, "You're staying with me. No argument." Now that I was here, my spirits finally began to lift.

"Get over here you son of a bitch!" he said, with an enormous smile on his face. We embraced each other in that hard and sloppy brotherly style.

"It's damn good to see you finally," I told him, "It's been way too long." As I walked around the back of the car to throw my bags in the trunk, he replied,

"You got that right. Let's get going though 'cause we have a three hour drive back to my place. We can talk on the way."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I promise the story will start to pick up after this. I just wanted to get a few things out of the way before then, and kind of set up the characters. Let me know what you think and if you have any comments or suggestions, PLEASE leave them for me. Thanks and enjoy!**

_Chapter 2_

For most of the drive to Forks, we caught up on everything that had been going on in each other's lives. Raindrops pattered the roof and windshield of the car as we reminisced, carefully skirting the subject of my addiction. I didn't like telling people about it in fear of them judging me and instantly writing me off as a junkie. I knew Ben more than likely would have still accepted me as I was, but it would be an awkward moment no doubt, and I'd rather skip that.

"I've got to work tomorrow early in the morning," Ben explained to me, "but I'm sure you will be able to find your way around town if you need to for any reason."

"Leaving me to my own devices so early huh?" I said. "I'm sure there's all kinds of trouble I can get into in a small town without a vehicle." I chuckled to myself, caught up in a mixture of excitement, wonder, and the fear of dying of boredom. I'd never lived in a town that was as small as Forks, but I'd definitely visited some, and they always seemed to make it feel as if time itself slowed to a crawl.

Ben peered at me from the corner of his eye, a smile suddenly growing on his face.

"Well actually I kind of had my old bike fixed up last week so you'd having something to get around on." At first I didn't understand what he had meant, picturing an old bicycle in my head, but then, like a slap to the face, it hit me.

"You mean your 1970 Honda Scrambler?" I made no attempt to hide my enthusiasm and couldn't control the silly grin that stretched across my face. When Ben had lived in Florida, he'd bought the motorcycle after he saw it sitting on someone's lawn with a "for sale" sign taped to it. In all honesty, the bike looked like a piece of junk at first sight. But he spent every free hour he had fixing it up and making it look somewhat presentable, and I'd always been a little envious after seeing him ride it around and pick up girls so easily.

"Yeah man," he responded, "It was just sitting in the shed for a couple years. And after you told me that you were coming here, I took it and got it back in working order."

I felt relief flood through my body, not only because I wouldn't have to walk everywhere, but also because I was planning on talking him into letting me borrow his car while I was here. And I knew I would have been successful, because I had the uncanny ability to influence people to do the things that I asked. I used my charm and way with words to get them to do things for my benefit. Not that I was particularly happy about being able to do this, but it was a skill that I had to develop in order to feed my ever-growing habit back home.

I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated the fact that he'd thought of me and spent his own money on fixing the bike up, but all I managed was a quiet "Thanks" as I slipped farther into the nightmare of my memories. Ben seemed to noticed my sudden detachment, so he simply nodded and stayed silent for the remainder of the drive.

After what seemed like the longest three and a half hours of my life, we were finally entering Forks. We drove through the middle of town, which consisted of a few shops, a diner, and one streetlight. _It certainly leaves a lot to be desired_, I thought to myself as we continued heading to Ben's house. I gazed out the window as we sped down the road, staring in awe at the lush vegetation that seemed to thrive everywhere. This was definitely unlike anything I'd ever seen, since I was born and raised in the same southwestern Florida town, and had rarely ever left. Huge trees towered on both sides of the street creating a canopy above the wet asphalt road.

Ben turned right off the main road, onto a small dirt road that seemed to be rarely used. After another five minutes driving deeper into the dark green forest, we finally came upon a stone driveway that led up to an old, white Victorian style house. Both sides of it were hugged by trees and bushes, as if nature meant to swallow it into the endless woods.

"This is it," Ben said with a smile on his face, as if he were enjoying a private joke. "What do you think?" Without waiting for me to answer, he quickly got out of the car and popped the trunk.

"Let's hurry up and get you settled inside. I'm taking you out tonight." He grabbed one of my bags and made his way to the front door.

I started to protest, but thought better of it. Grabbing the rest of my luggage, I trudged towards my new home.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

After I had finally gotten all my things unpacked and put away, I'd jumped in the shower and changed into something casual but still a little dressy at the same time. Before we had left the house, I took a quick glance in the mirror to make sure I looked alright. Standing six-foot-one, my black hair was almost elegantly disheveled, in a way that made it seem as if I'd just gotten out of bed with it that way. I wore a dark blue long-sleeved plaid shirt that buttoned up with the sleeves rolled up a quarter of the way. The black dress slacks I wore weren't exactly tight on me, but they conformed perfectly to my legs, in the way a custom tailored suit sometimes looks. I wasn't a muscular person at all – I filled out my clothes – but I was still pretty skinny by everyone else's standards.

Still staring at myself narcissisticly in the mirror, I heard Ben yelling from downstairs that it was time to go. I looked instinctively at the clock that hung on the wall and saw that it was eight o'clock on the dot. I hurried into the bathroom and retrieved my drugs from the hiding place under the sink. I carefully poured a small amount out onto the counter, bent down, and snorted the brown colored powder. It burned a little bit as it made its way through my nasal cavity and into the back of my throat. Almost immediately I could feel the effects and my body began to relax. I sniffed a couple more times to make sure I wouldn't have to in front of Ben, and made my way out of the room and down the stairs. As I took the stairs carefully, one at a time, the drug finally began to take hold of my brain and body. A rush of euphoria exploded throughout my body and the feeling was incredible. Everywhere on me felt warm and tingly, and I felt like I was in the clouds. I made sure to keep my expression and actions as normal as possible so that I wouldn't alert Ben to any noticeable differences.

When I made it downstairs and into the foyer, Ben was waiting impatiently with the keys in his hand, front door cracked open. "About time," he said jokingly, "I was about to leave your ass here. Let's go."

I followed him out the door, making sure to lock it behind me, and walked towards the car. Ben was about to open the driver's side door when I stopped him, snatching the keys out of his hand. "It's my turn to drive," I told him matter-of-factly with a smirk on my face. Sensing defeat, he sighed and walked around the front of the car to the passenger side. I started the car up, and to my satisfaction, the engine purred as it came life.

"Be careful Conor," Ben said warily, watching me with a nervous look in his eyes.

"Yes, Mom," I laughed as I put the car into gear and drove into the dark and unknown forest.

It had taken us around an hour to get to Port Angeles, a town that actually had a few things to do, despite being relatively small. Ben's directions had taken us to a little hole-in-the-wall bar called One-Eyed Pete's. I parked the car on the opposite side of the dark road and we got out. In front of the bar, illuminated by the glow of neon lights, were three bikers, their motorcycles parked on the curb in front of them. They each had a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, laughing and talking about various sexual conquests, each with a smug tone. As Ben and I walked through the front door of the bar, the bikers glared at us from behind dark eyes that seemed to scream "outsider".

I leaned towards Ben to prevent anyone else from hearing and said, "You sure know how to pick 'em. This has gotta' be the classiest place I've ever been to." I didn't bother to hide my sarcasm, preparing myself for this encounter.

"Relax," Ben assured me, "I know the bartender. And this place isn't so bad. You'll see." He led me inside and started heading towards the bar, which was surprisingly pretty crowded.

I was instantly greeted by an orgy of aromas, most noticeably smoke, stale beer, and a faint touch of vomit and urine. "_Great," _I thought to myself. We wove our way past a few high-top tables and a pool table, and finally reached the bar. I'd glanced around to get an idea of the clientele, and was actually surprised that a large amount of younger people made up most of the bar's patrons. And as usual, my eyes had already scanned for, and picked out the two cutest girls in the room, both probably in their mid-20's, the same as myself.

My thoughts were distracted by a voice coming from behind me. "What?" I asked, totally oblivious of the words that were spoken to me. It was Ben. "I said what do you want to drink?" I contemplated the decision for a moment, and then told him, "Just get me a vodka on the rocks, with a lime." I watched as the bartender, moving quickly behind the bar, made my drink and grabbed a cold bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon for Ben. She set them in front of us and Ben handed her a credit card and said to start a tab.

"Conor, I want you to meet someone," Ben said, almost yelling over the loud music that had just begun to play. He was gesturing to the bartender, a dark-haired girl, standing about five-foot-seven. She was wearing faded jeans and a black tank-top shirt, that accentuated her small curves. Her fair skin and almost flawless complexion were the perfect contrast to her vivid blue eyes. She wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but she was definitely attractive in a girl-next-door kind of way.

"This is Alana Martin," Ben informed me. I reached out to shake her hand and introduce myself. Her grip was surprisingly firm. "I'm Conor," I said sheepishly. I wasn't the most outgoing person, and I always became a little shy when meeting new people, especially women.

"Conor..." she said, deliberating it, drawing the word out. "Did your folks stop at Conor?" She was studying my face seriously, waiting for my response. Apparently she could tell that I didn't know she was joking with me, probably from the curious look on my face, and burst out into laughter, dimples forming on her face.

"It's James," I said after the laughter had died down, "Conor James."

"Well it's nice to meet you Conor James." She continued smiling as she shook my hand again and turned away to wait on some new customers that had arrived.

"So what do you think," questioned Ben. It took me a moment to understand exactly what he had meant by the question, when suddenly understanding dawned on me and clearly showed through a huge smile on my face.

"Ahhh, somebody has a crush huh?" I laughed as I spoke, watching Ben's cheeks flush, apparently embarrassed that I had vocalized my thoughts. He didn't let the fact that I was making fun deter him though.

"Well actually yeah...I was planning on asking her out tonight. It's just been a while since I've been on a date, let alone ask a girl out."

"I say go for it man. I'm pretty sure she has a thing for you even if she doesn't admit it. You can tell by the way she was looking at you."

This seemed to inject him with a sudden boost of confidence and he sauntered off towards the bathroom, probably to clean himself up and make sure he looked just right. While he was away, I ordered another drink, this one a double, and casually gulped it down. The alcohol was ice cold, but still burned inside my chest.

The evening passed light-heartedly, the both of us conversing with the strangers that were sitting at the bar next to us. I had a pretty good buzz by now, and I grabbed a cigarette from my pack on the bar and lit it, adding to the already smokey atmosphere. Ben was chatting with Alana, after she'd agreed quickly to go out with him. I contemplated ways to steal away so I could be alone to fix. Pulling my cell phone from the back pocket of my pants, I leaned over to Ben and told him I had to go make a call. He paid little attention to me though, immediately returning to his conversation with Alana. I stood up from the bar, feeling the effects of the alcohol on my motor skills. Carefully, I headed towards the front door of the bar with the cell phone apparently glued to my ear. As soon as I was outside and noticed that I was alone, I turned left and headed farther down the dark street. After a couple minutes of walking I came upon a small alley on my left, and making sure nobody was watching me, I turned down it. I leaned on the cold brick wall as I reached into my pocket and pulled out the bag, dumping a small amount onto my finger and snorting it quickly.

It was then that I heard noises coming from farther down the alley, and I realized I wasn't alone. I hurriedly shoved the bag back into my pocket, and quietly made my way to the source of the sound. It was dark, but I began to make out a moving, shadowy mass in the blackness. Still remaining as quiet as I possibly could, I tip-toed a few more steps until I could make the scene out. The sounds became clearer now. There was a sickening crunch, and a wet slurping noise, that almost sounded like someone was drinking something sloppily. I shuddered, nausea beginning to form in my stomach as I thought of the possibilities. I crept forward until I could make out two shapes in the dark. On the ground was the remains of some unfortunate man, blood all over his neck and his arms. I couldn't make out more than that, because suddenly the creature that was apparently eating him snapped it's head up and looked straight at me. The feeling was like being caught doing something wrong by your parents, and the fear caused adrenaline to pump through my veins, though I couldn't find the will to turn and run.

The creature stood up and took a step towards me, and I now noticed that it wasn't a creature at all, but a man who, with blood still dripping from his mouth, began to smile at me.

"Care to join me," he said in a calm, collected voice, and started walking towards me, closing the gap alarmingly fast. As if suddenly awoken from a daydream, a voice inside my head screamed "Run!" and I turned around and pushed my body as fast as it would go. I wasn't in shape, and I could feel my legs burning as I strained them, but the fear of losing my life kept me running. I heard the man let out a menacing laugh and then a snarl, and as I turned back to see if he was still following, he jumped and flew through the air towards me faster than anything I'd ever seen. He slammed into me from behind and it felt like I had just been hit by a car. My body flew forward faster now, but I wasn't on my feet anymore and the ground rushed up to smack my body, my head hitting the hard pavement. The impact stunned me and my head was in a haze. I struggled back to my feet, still watching the man behind me walking again towards where I lay in the middle of the street. I made it to my feet again and tried to run back towards the bar but my leg was screaming in pain, and all I managed was a fast walk, forced to limp on my right leg. I could feel the desperation now and the man was getting ever closer to me. I prayed to some unknown god to spare me, swore I would give up the drugs if I could just live through this.

And that was the first time I saw her - like an answer to my prayers.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. Especially in comparison to the dark, empty street we were on. Her beauty was like a light to me, radiating from her body. It was like staring into the eyes of an angel. I couldn't tell exactly how tall she was from where I stood, but her body was perfectly symmetrical. She wasn't so skinny that you could see her ribs, but she was fit – almost athletic looking. Perfect. As she started walking towards me, her bright, almost platinum blonde hair danced in the wind. It was straight about halfway down, then it became wavy as it reached the top of her chest. It looked like something out of one of those magazines you see at a salon. But what caught my attention the most wasn't her perfect hair or her flawless skin. It wasn't even her subtle, but pronounced curves, or her supermodel body. But set into the pale skin of her face were intense golden brown eyes. Their ocher color was amazingly vivid, and the contrast from the purple rings underneath her eyes made them appear to be burning.

I hadn't entirely forgotten about the man behind me, but I was stunned by the sight of this girl. I didn't want to turn around to see if he was still stalking me, too afraid that she would disappear if I looked away. She was still walking towards me, and as she got closer I felt my heart pounding in my chest – even harder than before – and my breath came in ragged gasps.

I heard a snarl come from behind me, and I spun around in a sort of curious fear. The man was crouched down low as if he were about to pounce. The fury in his eyes, which was directed to me, made me involuntarily shiver.

I wished more than anything that the beautiful girl wasn't here. I'd never been very brave, but I now hoped that this crazed man would be satisfied with me and leave her alone. I wanted to tell her to run, tell the man to spare her and take me, but my voice was stuck deep in my throat. The fear had paralyzed my vocal chords and not one sound escaped from my mouth.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her walking past me. My eyes followed her graceful stride as she came within feet of the man and stopped directly in front of him, apparently oblivious to his psychotic state. I reached out to her, my hand grasping air, to try and pull her back, but I was frozen in place and she was just out of reach.

I don't know how long they stood like that, face to face, but it seemed like an eternity to me. The man's lips were moving as if he were talking to her, but I didn't hear him say anything. I wanted to turn and run back to Ben and the car, but out of fear of something happening to this beautiful angel, I stayed. I was no coward...but I certainly wasn't getting any closer to this man. I had no idea what was wrong with him, but I was positive I'd seen him eating another man, and I was pretty sure that the victim hadn't been alive.

I was just about to work up the courage to say something – anything – when the man turned and disappeared back down the alley impossibly fast. Maybe he was on high on PCP or something, I thought to myself. I didn't know what, if anything, she had said or did to him, but whatever it was, he was gone now and that's all the mattered. I wanted to go to her, talk to her, thank her, admire her...whatever. I just felt this strange urge to be close to her, as if she were a star and I was a planet, and gravity was pulling me towards her. But before I could say anything, she turned and came towards me. I was more nervous than I'd ever been. She was so close I could touch her without even extending my arm all the way. Her gaze was more intense up close, but my eyes were locked to hers.

"Get out of here," she said to me, with a voice that almost sang out. It was just as beautiful as her appearance.

I waited for her to add something else, but she didn't, and just continued to stare at me. I was thinking of different ways to be charming because I needed to know this girl. Whatever the cost. I wanted to ask her about the man, about what had happened, but I didn't want to bring up the fact that I had been scared shitless during the whole encounter.

"Who are you?" was all I could manage at the moment. I felt stupid immediately after the words left my mouth. Why did I ask her that? I could be so bad with girls sometimes. But this wasn't just any girl, and I was almost intimidated by her presence, while at the same time I felt comfortable and safe. Like I was meant to be here, with her. I tried to recover from my previous blunder quickly.

"Can we take a walk...and talk, maybe?" Ugh, what was with all the questions? I should have been coming up with some good lines, things that would charm her. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, but I had little doubt that someone like her wouldn't already know that. Much to my surprise, she actually agreed.

"Okay," was all she said. But that was enough for me. She walked away from me, back towards the main road, and I jogged a bit to catch up to her. As we continued past the bar, I saw Ben standing outside (obviously drunk) talking to two girls that looked to be around twenty-one. He saw me but didn't say anything. He simply smiled and nodded, probably impressed with my present company. There was no need to say more. Over the years, we'd learned to communicate with each other, without the need for vocalization.

When we made it to the main road, I followed my mysterious savior to the left, the lights of shops and cars in front of us. It was getting later now and the pedestrian traffic had thinned since Ben and I had first arrived.

I had to walk quite fast to keep up with her. Her stride was so graceful and elegant, and her feet made no noise on the sidewalk below us. I must have looked very scared still, because I saw her head turn to look at me, and a half-smile spread across her face as she chuckled under her breath. I could see a pier and the dark water ahead of us. We walked in comfortable silence the rest of the way.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

"About what happened back there," I said as we stood at the end of the pier, staring out at the black water. She turned in my direction to gaze into my eyes, as if urging me to continue.

"What I mean is shouldn't we call the police or something? I-I think I saw that psycho...eating some-" She held up her hand, cutting me off.

"It wasn't what you thought." Her voice sang out. It was beautiful to listen to. Even though her sing-song words had me in a trance, I couldn't shake the quiet fear the still lingered in the back of my head.

"Well, what was it then?" I asked, distress obvious in my voice. "It seemed like a pretty fucked up situation to me." Her eyes locked onto mine and I choked on my words. I was unable to speak with her eyes boring into me like that, as if they penetrated through to my soul. She leaned in closer to me, speaking in a harsh whisper.

"I said forget about it. The more you try to figure it out, the worse... – it was just a case of intoxication. It was dark and there was alcohol involved. Leave it at that!" Her words burned into me and I tried desperately to convince myself that what she said was the whole, absolute truth. I wanted her to approve of me so badly, even if it meant agreeing to her version of the previous events. But my mind still lingered on the dark alley and my close encounter. I shivered. Those sounds...those sights. The goosebumps made a triumphant return all over my body. I wouldn't let this go, but for the time being I would drop the subject to please this goddess that had humored me with conversation. We stood in silence for a minute, while I contemplated what to say next.

"I'm Conor James," I said extending my hand. She merely eyed it until I felt awkward and lowered it back to my side. "Um, I'm new in town – just got in today." It sounded more like a question to me than a statement. Why was I so damn nervous? Searching for words that had escaped me I continued babbling, making small talk. "It was a long flight – from Florida to Seattle. My friend Ben is letting me stay with him for a while. He's the only person I know here." I felt like an idiot for talking so much, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

She didn't say anything at first. I was about to open my mouth when she finally spoke up, my heart fluttering as her soft, gentle voice chimed.

"You're nervous." It wasn't a question. She was smiling a slight, crooked smile as she said it, causing my neurons to fire even faster.

"Yeah, I guess I am...a little bit." She giggled quietly as I said this, putting her hand lightly in front of her mouth like she was trying to conceal it from me. "So, what's your-"

"I'm Serah," she said, cutting me off. She giggled again, this time at my surprised expression. This girl never ceased to amaze me. I shifted my legs, and we both continued to stare at the dark bay in front of us. A light breeze blew past us, and I caught the sweetest, most heavenly scent coming off of her. I breathed in deeply, savoring the aroma as she began to speak again.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked me, keeping her gaze forward, thought I could feel her eyeing me out of her peripherals.

"Nothing," I lied quickly. Too quickly. How could I tell her that my thoughts were only of her? Well not _only _of her...

"Hmm," she said, studying my face, like she knew that I wasn't being entirely truthful. This girl didn't miss anything apparently.

"What were you doing in that alley all by yourself? In the dark nonetheless!" Her curious eyes sought my answer before my mouth could speak it.

"I...I was...umm," my voice cracked. "Well, actually I..." What was the point in lying to her? I wanted to know her and I wanted her to know me, so why start by lying to her. I sucked in a deep breath, preparing for what I was about to say. Her eyes never left mine as she stood motionless next to me, her statuesque figure silhouetted in the moonlight.

"This...is what I was doing," I said as I pulled the bag of powder out of my pocket and placed it on the wooden railing in front of me. She studied it for a moment, her eyes glancing from me to the bag slowly. I could feel the shame burning in my face. I glanced away, afraid to make eye contact with her. Letting out a deep sigh, I was about to try to explain, to say something, but she held up her hand and stopped me. For a moment, I thought that this was it. I'd ruined my chances before I ever had the opportunity. Though I had just met her, my heart sank deep into the pit of my chest. I turned towards her and let my gaze settle on her golden eyes. We stood that way for what seemed like forever, staring at each other, my face full of sadness and regret, hers full of frustration and perplexity. Finally, she broke the silence that had begun to surround us like a thick blanket of nothingness.

"You know that stuff is hazardous to your health," she said in a serious tone. Then surprisingly she started to laugh again, a quiet but cute laugh.

"I know – I want to quit, more than anything. I just..I just need help" It was harder to admit that than I thought. Ever since I'd moved out at the age of seventeen, I'd done everything on my own. Never having needed any outside help before, it was strange hearing the words coming out of my mouth now. It was also surprising that I was spilling my guts to this beautiful stranger. I'd never been one for wearing my heart on my sleeve, and I always kept my feelings to myself. But something about this girl, Serah, urged me to tell all. Tell her everything I was thinking and feeling.

"Would you like my help?" she said, interrupting my reverie. She was staring at me seriously, waiting for my reply. I only thought about my answer for a split-second.

"Yes. Please." That sounded too desperate.

"You might not like it." The corner of her mouth turned up in a half-grin.

"I think I can handle it. I'm ready to be done with it."

"Okay, just don't get mad at me."

"I won't..." Before I had time to finish, her hand flashed down to the where the bag of dope lay on the railing. It was gone in an instant and I turned towards Serah to see her holding it in her hand, between her thumb and index finger. My heart dropped in my chest. Part of me was screaming inside to take it back, take it and get fucked up. Part of me wanted to grab it and run away, find a dark corner and get fucked up, so fucked up I wouldn't even remember my name. I fight with that part of me, because I don't want that anymore. I don't want to be fucked up on that shit anymore. I want to know this girl, know her and be with her and feel her. I want her to be my drug. I want her to be my fix. That part of me doesn't care what she does with the dope, it just wants to be near her. But the screaming in my head is so loud and it's tearing me apart. Take it. Run away. Get fucked up. Kill the loneliness. Kill the emptiness. I am alone and lonely and I _need _ to get fucked up to make it go away. I will still be alone but it will fill me up. Get me high and kill the lonely and the empty. No.

I stare at her, her soft but sharp features highlighted by the silver moonlight. She is beautiful and she is here. With me. I know if she gets rid of the bag, I will go through hell tomorrow and the next day and the next. Who knows how long it will last. I've been through withdrawal before. It's fucking hell. Like dying. I do not want to feel like that again. I do not want to feel like dying. I don't want the cold-sweats, the aches, the pains, the anxiety, the restlessness, the shits, the depression. I don't want any of it and I have to have all of it. It's the only way. If I want her, I know I have to go through fucking hell for a few days. Or I could just take the bag, run away, get fucked up and forget all about it.

"Well, are you ready to quit?" Her voice brings me back to reality. I am silent for a few moments. There is a war raging inside of me and I don't know the answer to her question. No, I'm not ready, I don't want to quit. Yes, get rid of that shit I don't want to be a fucking junkie anymore. She furrows her brow, like she's trying to figure me out, figure out what I'm thinking. She's holding the bag in her hand, dangling it there in front of me. I feel like an absolute, worthless piece of shit right now. I have to get over this. I have to overcome this addiction. It's more than that. I need to get over this selfishness.

I swallow hard, take a deep breath and brace myself for what I am about to do. The end and the beginning all start right now.

"Do it," I say, in a hoarse whisper.

With a quick flick of her wrist, she tossed the bag out into the dark water. It flew surprisingly far and made a little _plop _sound as it hit the surface. It floated away, farther away from us, carried by some unknown and unseen current. I kept watching and watching it, but remembering what stunning company I was in, I forced myself to turn away.

"How do you feel?" Serah said in a tone that suggested she actually was concerned. I sucked in a deep breath and spoke honestly.

"I feel...torn. Like split in half. Part of me feels relief, like this enormous weight has just been lifted off my shoulders, and part of me feels like shit and is dreading what comes next." She was still staring at me, standing absolutely still, and paying me all of her attention.

"It's gonna' suck...the withdrawal, I mean, but if I get through it, I think I will be fine. I just need to make some new friends here. Some friends that are a positive influence on me."

"Well Conor James, you already have one new friend," she said with a cute smile and wink, "And if you need help, don't be afraid to ask. Everyone needs help sometimes." Her response had caught me off guard. Who was this stranger, Serah? She doesn't even know me, except for the fact that I'm an addict and new in town and she probably noticed my pining for her. _Friend_. I liked the sound of that. I wanted so badly to add the word _girl_ in front of it, but it was a pleasant start. I couldn't stop looking at her, admiring her model-like qualities. _Beautiful and nice and smart_, I thought to myself. A goddamn trifecta.

My pocket started to vibrate and I knew it was probably Ben calling me or texting me. He was a good friend for letting me stay with him and fixing up his bike for me to ride, but I couldn't help the flash of anger I felt at him for interrupting this moment.

"Excuse me," I said to Serah, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my cell phone. It was a text message. From what I could make out of Ben's drunk-texting, he was wondering where I was, that he was about to leave and I should call him. I noted that it was already close to two a.m. I shoved the phone back into my pocket without responding, returning my attention to Serah. She looked at me and it seemed like she was curious and frustrated at the same time. I was just about to tell her that the text message was nothing important, but she spoke first.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." She spoke suddenly, abruptly. The mood changed in an instant. Something was wrong, I just couldn't tell what it was. The look on her face conveyed a pained apology as she turned to walk away. I was suddenly overwhelmed by anxiety and loneliness. I didn't want her to go, not yet.

"Wait," I shouted, trying to extend the moment as long as possible. "When can I see you again?" I didn't ask her _if _I could see her again, not wanting to give her the chance to say no. She stopped and turned her body back towards me, a full smile on her stunning face.

"I'm sure we will be seeing each other sooner than you think. Take care of yourself Conor." And with that, she turned and strode quickly off into the darkness.


End file.
